Roy Can Help

A field guide from a dad who's been in the waiting room

How to Disagree With the Experts (Politely, in Writing, With Citations)

In short: When the school, Early Intervention or Medicaid says no, ask for the reasons in writing, then use the next step: mediation, a state complaint or due process for school disputes, and a fair hearing for Medicaid. Each step has deadlines.

An IEP meeting is not a battle. It is a meeting, and most of them should end with everyone on the same side of the table. But nothing in the law says you have to accept someone else's conclusion about your child. The school says no. Medicaid says no. Somebody in an office you will never see says no. Here is the good news: a no usually has to be written down, explained, and open to appeal, and most parents are never told that.

Rule Zero: Disagree With the Conclusion, Not the Person

The person across the table did not write the rules, and you will see them again at the next meeting. You can disagree firmly and still be on the same team. Be calm. Be polite. Bring the rulebook. A parent who is calm and has the citation is a lot harder to wave off than a parent who is loud.

Rule One: Put It in Writing

Phone calls evaporate. Hallway promises evaporate. Email does not. Every request, every question, every "please explain," in writing, with a date, and keep a copy. The School Years page explains why the clock often starts with your written consent, and not a day sooner.

When the School Says No

Here is the ladder, from a polite step to a formal one. You do not have to climb every rung, and you can start on a higher one if the problem is serious.

  1. Ask for the no in writing. When a school refuses something about your child's evaluation, services, or placement, it has to give you written notice that describes what it refused and explains why (34 CFR 300.503). A no with no reason is just a mood.
  2. Disagree with the school's evaluation? Ask for an independent one. If you disagree with the evaluation the school did, you have the right to an independent educational evaluation at public expense, under the conditions in the rule (34 CFR 300.502).
  3. Try mediation. It is voluntary, and it cannot be used to delay or deny your right to a hearing (34 CFR 300.506).
  4. File a state complaint. A letter to your state department of education saying the school broke a rule. The violation has to be within the last year (34 CFR 300.153), and the state has 60 days to investigate and decide (34 CFR 300.152).
  5. File a due process complaint. This is the formal one. The school has 15 days to call a resolution meeting, there is a 30 day resolution period, and then a hearing can happen (34 CFR 300.510). You generally have two years from when you knew about the problem to ask for the hearing (34 CFR 300.511).
  6. Stay put. While a dispute is going on, your child generally stays in the current placement (34 CFR 300.518). The School Years page explains it.

When Early Intervention Says No

For children from birth to three, federal rules require every state to offer ways to resolve disputes, including mediation, a state complaint, and a due process hearing (34 CFR 303.430). The details vary by state, so ask your service coordinator for your state's written steps. The Birth to Three page covers how to get in.

When Medicaid Says No

A denial comes with a written notice, and you can ask for a fair hearing. Do not sit on it. The state has to give you a reasonable time to ask, and the federal ceiling is 90 days from the date the notice was mailed (42 CFR 431.221). Some states give you less, so ask for the hearing right away, in writing, and keep a copy. For children, the Paying for It page explains EPSDT, the federal rule that gives children broader Medicaid coverage.

You Do Not Have to Do This Alone

There is free help, and using it is not weakness. It is what engineers call "using the right tool."

Keep a folder. Dates, copies, names. When the paperwork is the record, the parent with the paper trail is the one who gets heard.

See also: School Years, Birth to Three, Paying for It.

Last checked: October 2026. The regulation citations and deadlines on this page were checked against the federal rulebook at ecfr.gov. This is not legal advice; see the full disclaimer.

Rules behind this page: 34 CFR Part 300 (IDEA Part B); 34 CFR Part 303 (IDEA Part C); 42 CFR Part 431, Subpart E (Medicaid fair hearings); 20 CFR Part 416 (SSI).